To survive and thrive, we have to understand how the world's various systems function. This encompasses such things as knowing the flow of days and seasons; whether a dropped object will bounce, splat, or break; and how water shifts among its fluid, frozen, and gaseous states.

Human life is a major subset of the world's systems, so much of our time and energy is focused on trying to understand and get along with each other. Last month's column focused on the sense of gratitude we feel when objects and other people enrich our life. This month's related column will focus on an excellent new book by Daniel Goleman, Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relations (2006).

Goleman rose to international prominence a decade ago with Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than I.Q. (1995), an informative, easily read book that synthesized the dramatic developments that had been emerging out of emotion research. The conventional wisdom had previously viewed our emotional arousal system as a disembodied and often unruly phenomenon. Goleman demystified it by explaining its underlying neurobiology, and by then suggesting how we can consciously use this biological thermostat as a force to enhance the quality of our life.

In Social Intelligence, Goleman similarly synthesizes the growing body of cultural and neuroscience research on how we develop social awareness and manage our social relationships. We can thus consider the two books as companion volumes—about understanding what occurs within (Emotional Intelligence) and what occurs between (Social Intelligence).

What occurs between can be thought of as the range of relationships that exist within a social continuum. At one end we're simply emotionally neutral and detached from a person with whom we're interacting (such as a supermarket checker). At the other end, we're rude and exploitative, assuming that the other person exists at the level of an object, to satisfy our needs. Psychopaths and sociopaths would exemplify behavior at that far end of the continuum.

The relationships in the center of this continuum imply a close empathetic human relationship that's temporarily or permanently tuned to the experiences, needs, and feelings of another person. Goleman suggests that we are constantly involved in both close and detached relationships, and that our relationship with a person can appropriately shift back and forth between close and detached, depending on the circumstances.

Many relationships are better off detached, in that most folks don't appreciate intrusive restaurant waiters; and realize that the professional judgment of one's physician, attorney, or counselor may be negatively affected by a close personal relationship.